I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
