I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize