I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
