dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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