i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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