So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
