oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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