That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
