Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
