Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
