Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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