You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
