So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize