I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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