Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
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