i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
