I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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