I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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