the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
