They should really pass out barf bags in church
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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