Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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