Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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