The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
