We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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