I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
