Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
