I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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