My first STD was from a foam party
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
