Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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