is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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