Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
