Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
