help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
