Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Jerry, you need to find god
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
