I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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