I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
