i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
