I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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