Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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