Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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