if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
