After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
