She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
