you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
