we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
