Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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