The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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