i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
