I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
