I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
