at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
