there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize