i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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