grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
