who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
