I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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