i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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