I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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