She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
