So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
