he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
