So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
