i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
