It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
