i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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