you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
