everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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