It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
