She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
