in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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