who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
there's paper in my vomit.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
