im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I said "one day" and that day is not today
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
