I think im going to throw up on grandma
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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