why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
