So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
