I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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