You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
4 words: hood of his car
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
