My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
