You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
