Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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