hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
