Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize