Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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