thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
nutella sex= disaster
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
