I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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