someone threw a dead crab at me
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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