i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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