I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
