Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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