Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
