I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
