How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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