what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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