are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
