Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
im six kinds of drunk right now
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
