She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
