I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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