I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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