You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
