Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
