Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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