Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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