fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
