i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize