i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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