ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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