Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
