giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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