Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
