Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
