it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Two words: nipple clamps
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