I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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