She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
