So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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