I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Best friends brother. Beat that.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Come share oat with me in your robe
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize