I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize