my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The Olympian is in my bed
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
